I distinctly remember when all three of my kids asked about marriage, but more specifically about the powers we have as sons and daughters of God to procreate. Yes, it was uncomfortable especially because they were all very young and very curious. Being the honest and open couple that we are, my husband and I decided that we needed to go ahead and tell the kids, who were in their tender years of ten, eight, and seven, all about the powers of procreation and how it ties into marriage. We felt that if we separated the two that they would, in their mind, believe that they could do the first without the second.
Our ultimate goal was not to scare or coerce or even force our offspring, but to have them understand why these two go hand in hand. As parents, we needed to have them understand why they should not have any type of intimacy without marriage and that marriage is made stronger because of the act that unifies us to those whom we have chosen as our spouse. In discussing this with our kids, we realized one thing. We realized that we had to explain the role they play in this vast universe and why that is so important to God's plans. Even though my kids were young when they came to us and listened as we explained the sacredness of these two, they were attentive and quickly understood the basic purpose of intimacy and marriage.
The first thing we explained was that intimate relations gives us a wonderful and amazing physical feeling, but which should not be used for recreation, in other words, for personal gratification and entertainment. We made it clear that although the media and the world send mixed messages about intimate relations that God does not. We explained that God gave us that power so that we could use it wisely and not let it dictate our decisions; and that it was given to us to “multiply and replenish the earth”(The Family: A proclamation to the world. par. 1) and not for any other purpose that the world teaches.
The second thing we explained was that the purpose of intimate relations are explicit privileges for married people only. We explained that the powers of procreation were created to help unify married couples, so they could work together to “make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally”(The Family: A Proclamation to the World par. 1). We also explained that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained by God''(The Family: A Proclamation to the World. par. 1) and that because of it we are blessed beyond measure when we wait to exercise those powers inside the bonds of marriage.
The third thing we explained was that there is not one person for every person in the world, but that there are plenty of people with whom they are compatible with. This helped them understand that even though there may be two people that they like, they have the choice to choose from them. This also clarified the wrong idea the media has taught them to save themselves for the one. Instead, we taught them to save themselves for the person they choose to be with for the rest of their lives.
The last thing we explained was that when we act on our desire for intimate relations it loses its value, that its purpose is of no use, and that the enjoyment that lasts only for a moment would leave them in suffering and pain. We also explained that they, the people around them, and their possible offspring would hurt and suffer because of it. We further explained that because God would still love them if they did so, the road to repentance would be hard but possible with the savior's help as they draw strength from him to overcome the hardships with it.
Looking back, my husband and I realized that it was our forthrightness- honesty- that caught their attention and our earnest passion that held their interest. It was not a lesson that we studied and then taught. It was an earnest answer to their question that was based on facts and gospel truths that had been taught since before the proclamation of the world, and are now strengthened because of it. It was an important impromptu lesson that life taught us, and that we needed to teach them so that they could understand the sanctity of having intimate relations and why it is necessary to wait until marriage to do so.
As parents we have learned that we have an obligation to our kids to teach them that chastity is a commandment that they must keep so when they are parents they must learn to be like our father in heaven, loving and omniscient, in order to understand him better and know his purpose for them in this life. There is no other way for them to comprehend the lord’s way than to be put in the position to do what the lord does: watch their sons and daughters make their own choices so they can learn from their mistakes; earnestly wait for them to come to them for help and guidance; love them unconditionally and be ready to forgive them anything as long as they come to us with a “broken heart and a contrite spirit”; and do all this with the knowledge that they will grow and progress and draw near to Christ during their trials and tribulations.
When my 17 year old senior came home speaking about how thankful she was to us for letting her know the importance about intimate relations and marriage because she finds and hears her friends talk about it as though there was nothing important about it, it warmed my heart and it gave me comfort and peace because I feel her testimony of the importance of abstaining and waiting until marriage.
Teaching our kids that sexual relationships and marriage go hand in hand and to treat it with the reverence that it deserves has been a blessing to my oldest daughter and to us as she has navigated High School life throughout the years. So far, it has also blessed my other teenagers' lives as well and they look at dating as a way to find the person they want to choose for the rest of their life.
When my husband and I made the effort to talk to them and listen to them about these things, we made sure that we were earnest, forthright, and that they felt our love for them. We aimed to make them understand the purpose of dating, marriage, and the powers of procreation. We explained the reasons for each and why they all go hand in hand. We also taught them that the temptation is there and that it is sometimes too hard not to fall and that if they do fall, they will need to look to Christ for a remission of that sin so that they will not be weighed down by it. We also explained that we would love them either way and that the repentance process, although hard, it is possible through prayer and faith.
We have learned that instilling in them the true purpose of intimate relations inside the marriage and teaching them to obtain a testimony of the sanctity of marriage will strengthen them to live righteously, that it will help them know it for themselves especially when they see and hear others not understand the true purpose of them, and that they will wait until marriage to have those important and intimate moments at the right time and for the right purpose.
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